For the past few years, GA has been a perpetually open tab on my computer screen, and I often find myself mesmerized by its knowledge and general wizardry. Google can tell me how many wonderful people are on this site at any given time, what brought them here, what they’re looking at, how long they stay, the city they’re in, and so, SO much more. It’s awesomely creep-tastic, and I love it. (I like to Gchat my friend Annie to ask if she’s on the site when there’s a dot in San Francisco. Every once in a while it really is her, and it’s like I have ESPN or something.)
While it’s helpful to know what recipes readers dig the most (mostly chia pudding and overnight oats, you weirdos) and other demographic info, the Google search queries that lead new users here are the best. These random searches bring an absurd amount of joy and awkwardness to my day, so I thought I’d share a few of my recent (and least offensive) favorites with all of you. I can only hope these peeps found what they were looking for, but in case they didn’t, I’ve answered their queries to the best of my ability below…
Domesticate ME!’s Favorite Google Search Queries:
*For the sake of authenticity, all queries have been copied exactly as they were typed.
How does nutella work
Excellent question. It’s a combination of chocolate, hazelnuts and magic. You should put it in French toast.
DRINKING FROM WATERMELON ALCOHOL
What an excellent idea! May I suggest a Sparkling Watermelon Punch Scorpion Bowl?
Diets for dudes
YASSSSS. You came to the right place.
Why do people take immodium at Widespread Panic concerts?
Ugh. So many reasons, but this is not the appropriate place to discuss them. Hint: Parking lot burritos, long port-a-potty lines, and other (slightly less legal) things.
Why can’t I find healthy pizza
The struggle is real, but these are some good options.
Super hot bikini babes.
While this isn’t that type of site, I do have an affinity for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Do with that what you will.
Gluten-free diet, can you eat peanut butter and bananas
Yes, yes you can. And you should eat them in the form of these GF overnight oats.
I like to think this skillet version qualifies.
Shaved cook- shaved Brussels sprouts salad.
The beginning of this query felt overly personal, but I do make a very nice shaved Brussels sprout salad…
fall vegetsbles for a wuesodilla
Luckily, I speak drunk Googler. They must have been looking for this delightful fall vegetable quesadilla.
domesticate me butt chicken
It warms my heart someone was searching the interweb for this recipe! It’s an oldie but a goodie. (“butt chicken” is actually “Beer Butt Chicken,” in case you were upset by the name.)
widespread panic sexy women
Heyo! You found me.
why do white flour and chocolate meks me sweat
I’m not a doctor, but I do know a Dude with a refined carbohydrate fetish. Again, Dude Diet to the rescue..
how to make Chia pudding not slimy
I’m afraid that’s impossible, friends. However, adding a little yogurt to this base recipe can help.
hummus for people who hate hummus
This is the silky smooth miracle hummus that converted me. It may be able to do the same for other hummus haters.
a recipe for a vat of corn
I’m not sure exactly what qualifies as a “vat” (although I have some very funny images in my head), but this Mexican Street Corn Salad should make a dent in it.
Craving dominos diet
Dude. Diet. Get on board.
YOU’RE LOOKING AT IT, FRIENDS.
I’m not sure what the person searching “glitter beef” hoped to find, but in my mind, it was something like these Lettuce Wraps with Five Spice Flank Steak and Peanut Sauce. In fact, I’m thinking about renaming them “Glitter Beef Wraps,” since their current title is long and sort of awkward sounding, and I can only imagine how excited Logan someone would be to hear, “Hurry! The Glitter Beef Wraps are ready!!”
Let’s briefly break down the glitter-y aspects of these bad boys, shall we? First, we’ve got gloriously juicy, flavor-packed flank steak that’s rubbed with Chinese five spice powder and plenty of salt, then quickly seared on a hot grill(pan). If you’re not familiar with five spice, it’s a blend of cinnamon, fennel, cloves, star anise and white pepper that’s warming, earthy, and magical. You can find it in the spice aisle of most markets, and while I know some of you are rolling your eyes at the prospect of adding a seemingly obscure spice to your collection, I really need you to trust me on this one and go get some. After making this beef, you can use the powder in marinades and salad dressings, as seasoning for vegetables and grains, and to amp up your basic stir-fry. Do it.
After a few minutes of resting, the glitter beef gets sliced, nestled in lettuce cups, piled high with crunchy vegetables, chopped peanuts and fresh cilantro, and then drizzled with a generous amount of truly epic peanut sauce. I’ve made many a peanut sauce in my day, but I can honestly say that this one, with its Sriracha-induced kick and subtle coconut flavor, is my favorite version yet. If you have any leftovers (you probably won’t), try tossing it with some soba noodles OR roasted broccoli. Heaven.
I’m also pleased to report that Glitter Beef Wraps are compatible with a wide variety of trendy lifestyles, as they happen to be paleo, gluten-free (just sub tamari for soy sauce), and 100% Dude Diet approved. Hallelujah.
But wait, there’s more! Perhaps the most exciting thing about these glittering beef flavor bombs is the fact that they can be made from start to finish in 30 minutes. No joke. You whip up the peanut sauce and prep the veggies while the steak is coming to room temperature/absorbing the wonders of five spice, and then you just set everything out and let people build their dream wraps. Bing, bang, BOOM. Weeknight finger food feast!
Make like Mariah and get your glitter on, peeps.
Lettuce Wraps with Five Spice Flank Steak and Peanut Sauce: (Serves 4)
1 pound flank steak
1 teaspoon Chinese five spice
¾ teaspoon kosher salt
For the Peanut Sauce:
¼ cup plus 1 tablespoon crunchy peanut butter
¼ cup light coconut milk (The kind in the can, peeps.)
1½ tablespoons fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon low-sodium soy sauce
1 teaspoon Sriracha
½ teaspoon honey
1 small clove garlic, grated or finely minced
12-14 Boston or Bibb lettuce leaves
1 cup shredded or grated carrots
3-4 baby radishes thinly sliced into matchsticks
3 scallions, thinly sliced
¼ cups unsalted peanuts, chopped
¼ cup finely chopped cilantro
Lettuce Wraps with Five Spice Flank Steak and Peanut Sauce:
-Pat your steak dry. Season it allllll over on both sides with the Chinese five spice and the salt. Let the steak hang out at room temperature for 20 minutes.
-Pre-heat a grill or grill pan over medium-high heat. When hot, add the steak and grill for 2-4 minutes per side for medium-rare. (I’m sorry!! I really wish I could give you a more specific cooking time, but flank steak varies significantly in thickness. Mine was a ¼-inch thick and only needed 2 minutes per side.)
But for those of you that like specific instructions: Place 2-3 slices of steak on top of each piece of lettuce. Top with some carrots, radishes and scallions. Drizzle with peanut sauce, then sprinkle with chopped peanuts and cilantro.
- 1 pound flank steak
- 1 teaspoon Chinese five spice
- ¾ teaspoon kosher salt
- ¼ cup plus 1 tablespoon crunchy peanut butter
- ¼ cup light coconut milk (The kind in the can, peeps.)
- 1½ tablespoons fresh lime juice
- 1 tablespoon low-sodium soy sauce
- 1 teaspoon Sriracha
- ½ teaspoon honey
- 1 small clove garlic, grated or finely minced
- 12-14 Boston or Bibb lettuce leaves
- 1 cup shredded or grated carrots
- 3-4 baby radishes thinly sliced into matchsticks
- 3 scallions, thinly sliced
- ¼ cups unsalted peanuts, chopped
- ¼ cup finely chopped cilantro
- Pat your steak dry. Season it allllll over on both sides with the Chinese five spice and the salt. Let the steak hang out at room temperature for 20 minutes.
- Meanwhile, whisk together all the ingredients for the peanut sauce in a medium mixing bowl. Briefly set aside. Prep your vegetables.
- Pre-heat a grill or grill pan over medium-high heat. When hot, add the steak and grill for 2-4 minutes per side for medium-rare. I WISH I could give you a more specific cooking time, but flank steak varies significantly in thickness. I’m sorry! (Mine was a ¼-inch thick and only needed 2 minutes per side.)
- Transfer the steak to a cutting board and let it rest for 5 minutes. Slice it in half lengthwise, and then slice cross-wise into ½-inch strips. Transfer the steak to a serving plate/platter.
- To assemble your lettuce wraps: Place 2-3 slices of steak on top of each piece of lettuce. Top with some carrots, radishes and scallions. Drizzle with peanut sauce, then sprinkle with chopped peanuts and cilantro. (I recommend letting people assemble their own wraps, but do as you see fit.)