Hostess with the Mostess

"I'd love to show you in." -Me. A hundred times a day.I have had several people ask me why there have not been any new posts recently.* I sincerely apologize for the lack of fresh recipes and the fact that you’ve probably been subsisting on a diet of bacon wrapped artichokes and fancy roll-ups since March. The truth is, I have been incredibly busy and important the past couple of months…As I’m sure you know, I take this blog very seriously. I thank you, my loyal readers, for trusting me with your domestic training, and I want to provide the highest possible level of indoor tutelage. A few months ago, I considered my domestic skill-set. Obviously, my Cordon Bleu medal qualified me to order you around the kitchen, but what credentials did I have to justify me telling you how to be a wonderful host/hostess? Besides my natural charm, none....
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Simple Appetizers: Bacon Wrapped Artichokes, Prosciutto Roll-Ups, and Arancini Poppers

Appetizer: n. Food before food. Fucking greatest shit ever. -Urban Dictionarysimple-appetizersNot your average app sampler.I’m sure we’ve all been told by our mothers never to show up to a party empty-handed. If this is the first you’ve heard of this rule, don’t panic. You have probably only embarrassed yourself a handful of times,* and it’s obviously your mother’s fault. Regardless, now that we’re all on the same page, let’s discuss what to bring to someone else’s party. Prior to my domestic makeover, I stuck to the traditional offerings of wine or flowers. For the record, these are ALWAYS appropriate and wonderful choices, as everyone enjoys drinking and tasteful floral arrangements.** However, every once in a while, your host may ask you to bring something specific such as dessert or some form of appetizer. If this happens, do not stress. Consider...
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Chipotle Glazed Chicken with Corn and Black Bean Salad

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." -Friedrich Neitzsche/Kanye West  serena-wolf-domesticate-meIf don't know what "rock bottom" means, I have provided some visual aids.Last Wednesday I hit rock bottom. To put this statement in context, it all started when my purse was stolen from a taco stand in Santa Barbara over Columbus Day weekend. The fact that I left it under a table at said taco stand before returning for it fifteen minutes later is irrelevant. I was robbed. Not to be melodramatic, but…MY WHOLE LIFE WAS IN THAT PURSE. Passport, credit cards, bedazzled blackberry, camera, my favorite lip gloss...Thank God I had the presence of mind to keep my Cordon Bleu medal at home that day. After a lengthy interview with TSA, I somehow managed to make it back to New...
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Sausage and Spinach Risotto

“I’m gonna put you first, I’m comin’ for you. I’ll show you what you’ re worth, that’s what I’m gonna do.” –Justin Bieber (on cooking for the one’s you love)I always thought whoever said that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" didn't understand anatomy. Apparently, they were actually right...I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. They just set you up for disappointment when you inevitably break them. Instead, I like to make a list of goals for the upcoming year. I enjoy a challenge, so I tend to go big. However, just to be safe, I usually divide this list into two categories: “Reach for the Stars,” and “Seriously.”This year’s list:Reach for the StarsSeriously-Cook 3 times a weekGet a job-Write a cookbook-Get my own cooking show-Pose for GQ or Maxim (In a classy way…like taking a...
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The Graduate

Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. ~Kelly Clarksonserena-wolf-le-cordon-bleu-graduate I know many of you never thought that this day would come, but I am officially a graduate of Le Cordon Bleu. After many months of slaving over a hot stove (literally) and pouring my blood and sweat* into countless delicious meals (also literally), yours truly is now a chef.  This is great news for all of you, since you are now taking cooking and entertaining advice from someone with credentials. Frankly, I’m surprised you listened to anything I had to say prior to my graduation.  Thank you so much for blindly supporting me!Graduation day was a whirlwind of excitement. The ceremony was rather long for my taste, but I got to walk on stage while hundreds of people clapped for me and took my picture, so it was...
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Pan-Fried Steaks with Roasted Vegetable Tian

Even in his absence, Elijah is a magical presence, representing hope, redemption, and future blessings. We pour him a cup of wine, and we reserve him a seat. -Wikipedia A few weeks ago, I realized that the lease on the apartment I had shared with Bay for the past 8 months was rapidly coming to an end. After spending many highly unpleasant days arguing with an online estate agent (thanks for nothing, Leonard), I finally found a very charming little place in St. Germain. So, I packed up my few belongings and hopped across the Seine to experiment with life on the Left Bank.I pack light.Despite the lack of elevator and the very bitchy proprietor of the art gallery downstairs, my ass and I are adjusting nicely to our new digs....
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Godspeed My Son

Nothing warms my heart more than people cooking for their loved ones...except when people do it using my recipes. Liberty, being the wonderfully brave and adventurous little thing that she is, decided to take on my roast chicken. Im not going to lie, I am always a little bit nervous when it comes to Liberty's cuisine skills. She may be a wizard with sugar and a piping tip, but she's practically a walking disaster with a knife set. Despite this fact, she did manage to pull off a delicious dinner for her family, and so can you (seriously). The fact that the chickens were slightly burned and that she spent some time in the ER as a result is not the point. I evaluate on the whole, and I'm very proud of her. Total domestic triumph. I'll let her get into the details...Liberty:Okay, so I am the one who actually...
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We’re BACK!

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." ~Wise DudeHello friends and devoted followers! I would like to deeply apologize for the lack of activity on DomesticateMe this summer.  There are several reasons for our prolonged absence.  First, Liberty received her pastry diploma in June! Can I get a “OUI, CHEF!”? She will elaborate on exactly what this entailed, but it was no cakewalk!*  I managed to pass intermediate cuisine,  despite a rather gruesome final exam (highlights of which included hacking off the talons of the guinea fowl I was given). Unfortunately, due to a glitch that I choose to attribute to Cordon Bleu’s administrative department (and not to my poor planning skills), the summer session of superior cuisine was full. So, Liberty and I bid Paris au revoir and a bientot respectively, and we returned to America for the summer. While Liberty...
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Sunday Night Fear

The Sunday night fear. We've all had it. It's only natural to contemplate your sins on God's day. Unfortunately, we are usually contemplating the sins of the previous night.When 5pm rolls around, you know you're in for it. You have homework you should have done, you have a presentation at work, you forgot to pick up your dry-cleaning, that hottie from the bar never called, WHATEVER. Maybe you're just sad it's five whole days until the weekend. Hellllo, Sunday night fear. By 6pm, the fear has you deeply in its nasty clutches. Common symptoms: bitching, crying, moaning, and texting that guy that you really shouldn't text to come hold your hand.Well, we have found an answer for both your Sunday night fear and your "Saturday was a wonderful mistake" binge-eating tendencies. We'd love to tell you that it involves some sort of delicious home-cooked feast, but if you think that most...
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Fabulous French Toast

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. ~Ernest Hemingway This past Friday your two favorite chefs packed their bags and boarded a (disgustingly early) train to meet Liberty’s family and some friends in St. Emilion for the weekend. Just outside of Bordeaux, this romantic little town is known for many things, most notably its WINE. Now, we aren’t exactly wine connoisseurs, but that does not mean that we don’t appreciate the difference between a classy bouquet and franzia.*We spent most of Friday wine tasting. There was so much to try, and we thought it was only fair to give as many proprietors as possible a shot at our business. We declined the use of the spit bucket during the tastings because we are ladies. More importantly, we do not believe in wasting...
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