I’ve wanted an assistant for as long as I can remember. When you ask most kids what they want to be when they grow up, they say something ridiculous like an astronaut, a fireman, or President of the United States. My answer? “I want to wear Prada and have several male assistants.” When people asked the inevitable follow-up questions regarding what I would be doing while wearing Prada and being surrounded by helpful men, I invoked one of my favorite phrases…”I will cross that bridge when I get to it.”
In college, my friend Maisie and I used to discuss our future assistants with the loving detail that most girls reserve for their weddings or future children. What would our assistants look like? How would they dress? What skills would they need? How would they entertain us? Ultimately, we envisioned young, pleasant-looking men (not too attractive because that would be distracting) with a good sense of humor and excellent bartending skills. They would definitely be quite strong so that they could easily carry us when we got tired of walking or had one too many cocktails. We would also require them to sleep in “business pajamas” (silk pajamas that look like suits), so that they would be appropriately attired if we ever needed late night assistance.
Needless to say, my dream assistant has not yet materialized. Life as a food blogger and aspiring celebrity doesn’t necessarily leave a lot of free cash for Prada and hired help, which stresses me out. However, I recently realized that there is a very simple solution to this problem during the summer months…UNPAID INTERNS. Everyone I know seems to have interns, and I would very much like one. A free assistant? I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner. Since it’s already mid-June, I figure I better nab myself an intern as quickly as possible. I’m sure all the good ones are already taken, but there’s no harm in seeing who’s left. I have drafted the following advertisement for Domesticate Me!’s future help…
Intern Position at Domesticate Me! (West Village, NYC)
Domesticate Me! Is a New York-based food blog and future international brand providing the highest quality recipes, entertaining advice, and general commentary on the interweb. It is also the home of The Dude Diet, which is rapidly decreasing nutritional idiocy among men in the United States, the UK, Canada, China, and Australia (based on very trust-worthy Blogger analytics.) The “business” is currently run personally (and exclusively) by Serena Wolf, a Le Cordon Bleu trained chef, self-taught photographer and blogger, and all-around class act.
In order to be considered, please send your resume and cover letter to firstname.lastname@example.org
Salary: Technically unpaid. However, you will be “compensated” in free food, cocktails, and invaluable domestic knowledge. Serena also gives occasional compliments.
· Taste-test all of Serena’s creations and give honest and constructive feedback.
· Grocery shop for both everyday and obscure recipe ingredients and household items.
· Dishwashing. Domesticate Me!’s kitchen does not have a dishwasher. You are the dishwasher.
· Welcome guests and clients by greeting them in person or on the telephone. (Creativity in greeting-style is required.)
· Maintain Serena’s appointment schedules, which is tricky because Serena makes and cancels appointments on a whim, and she can’t figure out how to sync her Google Calender and phone calendar. Good luck!
· Film the goings-on at Domesticate Me! (when appropriate). Domesticate Me! is considering dabbling in the video-blogging sphere.
· Blow-dry Serena’s hair when she is not feeling up to it.
· Provide feedback on outfits when Serena has important meetings and auditions and the girls on her group text do not respond in a timely fashion.
· Occasionally follow Serena’s boyfriend, Logan, to make sure that he is living up to his Dude Diet ambassador duties. This may involve physically restraining him from entering certain culinary establishments (i.e. Chipotle, Dominos, etc.). Not to worry, he has no violent tendencies!
· Tweeting. Serena needs to tweet, but she often forgets/does not have her phone when she thinks of brilliant things to tweet. She also does not like tweeting. You will tweet for her.
Skills and Qualifications:
· Must love food.
· High alcohol tolerance.
· Basic cooking and bartending skills. (Serena believes in your potential!)
· Familiarity with all forms of social media.
· Strong written and oral communication skills. Serena likes to be surrounded by other smart, articulate people.
· Drive and enthusiasm with a team orientation. You and Serena will be a two-person wolfpack!
· Strong organizational skills and highly attuned attention to detail. Serena possesses neither of these skills, so be prepared to pick up the slack.
· Flexibility in the face of obstacles and sense of humor. There will be many obstacles, including but not limited to: getting Serena out of bed in the morning, fitting two people in the Domesticate Me! kitchen, and Serena’s tendency to melt things to the stove. Humor helps.
· Well-dressed. No one who thinks that wearing jeans and running shoes is acceptable need apply.
Please share this advertisement with anyone you think may be interested in the internship. I would like to warn applicants that the interview for the position will involve cooking a simple recipe to test the applicant’s domestic skills and ability to follow directions. This recipe will be one of my personal favorites, Sweet Potato Hash with Chicken Sausage and Fried Eggs, which I would love for someone to bring me in bed every morning. (Relax, this won’t actually be part of the job requirements.)
Sweet Potato Hash with Chicken Sausage and Fried eggs is heaven on a plate. The hash is quick and easy, and it’s bursting with flavor. The cumin makes everything taste slightly smoky and cayenne gives it that necessary kick. And obviously, hash is made all the more delicious once it gets soaked in yolk from perfectly fried eggs. It’s a hearty meal that’s also packed with health benefits. It’s low-fat, high protein, and 100% Dude Diet approved. And you know I’m a sucker for anything with sweet potatoes because they are delicious, and their high quantities of vitamin C and beta carotene make you prettier. The recipe makes two servings, so applicants will be encouraged to enjoy the fruits of their labor with me while I judge their cooking and social interaction skills.
Even if you’re not interested in being my intern, I would still like you to make this Sweet Potato Hash as soon as possible. The best part about this hash is its versatility. It’s simple enough for an anytime meal during the week, but fancy enough to serve guests at your next classy brunch. You can also play with the ingredients and tailor it to your tastes. Feel free to swap the chicken sausage for a different meat of your choice, or add whatever leftover vegetables you have hanging out in your fridge. If you’re into spicy, I recommend dousing everything in a healthy amount of Sriracha. You can’t go wrong with this one, people.
Sweet Potato Hash with Chicken Sausage and Fried Eggs: (Serves 2)
Preparing your sweet potato hash:
-Start by prepping your vegetables and sweet potatoes. When it comes to chopping your sweet potato, I recommend peeling the potato and then slicing it into ¼ inch rounds. Next chop the rounds into approximately ¼ inch cubes. Don’t stress, they don’t need to be perfect.
-Add your chopped sweet potatoes to the sausage along with another tablespoon of olive oil and the cumin. Arrange the sweet potatoes in an even layer and let cook for about five minutes. This will get them nicely browned on the underside.
-After five minutes, turn the potatoes. Continue cooking the sweet potatoes, turning every few minutes until they are very tender. This can take up to 20 minutes, so feel free to have a cocktail or a cup of coffee.
-When your sweet potatoes are tender, add the garlic, onions, bell peppers, and continue to cook for about five minutes until the onions become translucent. Add a pinch of cayenne pepper and salt to taste. Keep the hash warm while you fry your eggs.
-Heat a non-stick pan over medium-low heat. If you have a really good non-stick pan, you won’t need any butter or oil (booyah!). If your pan tends to stick, spray it with cooking spray or heat a tablespoon of butter or oil in the pan. When the pan is hot add the eggs. Cook until the whites are just set, but the yolks are still runny.
-Serve hash topped with fried eggs and garnish with chopped avocado and cilantro. Dig in and bliss out.
- 4 oz chicken breakfast sausage (3 small links), chopped
- 2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
- 1 large sweet potato, peeled and finely chopped
- 1 garlic clove, minced
- 1/3 cup red bell pepper, finely chopped
- 1/3 cup green bell pepper, finely chopped
- ½ small yellow onion, finely chopped
- ½ teaspoon cumin
- pinch of cayenne pepper
- salt to taste
- 4 large eggs (2 per serving)
- For garnish:(optional)
- ½ avocado, chopped
- 2 teaspoons chopped cilantro
- Start by prepping your vegetables and sweet potatoes. When it comes to chopping your sweet potato, I recommend peeling the potato and then slicing it into ¼ inch rounds. Next chop the rounds into approximately ¼ inch cubes. Don’t stress, they don’t need to be perfect.
- Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a large skillet or pan. When hot, add the sausage and sauté for about five minutes until lightly browned.
- Add your chopped sweet potatoes to the sausage along with another tablespoon of olive oil and the cumin. Arrange the sweet potatoes in an even layer and let cook for about five minutes. This will get them nicely browned on the underside.
- After five minutes, turn the potatoes. Continue cooking the sweet potatoes, turning every few minutes until they are very tender. This can take up to 20 minutes, so feel free to have a cocktail or a cup of coffee.
- When your sweet potatoes are tender, add the garlic, onions, bell peppers, and continue to cook for about five minutes until the onions become translucent. Add a pinch of cayenne pepper and salt to taste. Keep the hash warm while you fry your eggs.
- Heat a non-stick pan over medium-low heat. If you have a really good non-stick pan, you won’t need any butter or oil (booyah!). If your pan tends to stick, spray it with cooking spray or heat a tablespoon of butter or oil in the pan. When the pan is hot add the eggs. Cook until the whites are just set, but the yolks are still runny.
- Serve hash topped with fried eggs and garnish with chopped avocado and cilantro. Dig in and bliss out.