• Slice the top sixth of your watermelon lengthwise using a sharp knife. (Don’t worry if it’s not exactly a sixth. Just cut a “lid” off that exposes enough of the melon to hollow it out easily, okay?) Please do this sober.
• Scoop out the flesh of the watermelon until the rind is left with minimal pink showing.
• In a blender or food processor, puree the watermelon in batches. Strain the puree through a fine mesh strainer, and discard the solids. You should be left with about 9 cups of watermelon juice.
• Pour the watermelon juice back into the watermelon punch bowl. Add the vodka, lime juice and club soda and stir to combine.

To serve your Sparkling Watermelon Punch Bowl:

• Go trashy: Add ice to your sparkling watermelon punch bowl along with as many straws as you like. Get your friends. Get weird.
• Go classy: Ladle punch over ice and garnish with fresh mint and lime slices.