The Dude Diet: Milestones & Maintenance

Today is a big day for The Dude Diet. The past few weeks have been a strugglefest for Logan, who has been determined to win a bet to lose 6% of his body weight this month, and for me, who was tasked with making that pipedream a reality. It wasn’t easy, but our hard work has finally paid off…

“I don’t want anybody to think I believe this statement.” “Don’t worry, they won’t.”

I am very proud to report that the dude weighed in at a lean 189 pounds this morning. This is down from a “hefty” 205 pounds on February 1.  To be fair, Logan’s starting weight was recorded the day after his return from Hippie Fest 2013, so there was undoubtedly a significant amount of all-inclusive bloat involved. (I say this to prevent future angry comments from dudes who expect to lose 16 pounds a month on The Dude Diet. Get real.) Regardless, Logan has lost approximately 7% of his body weight, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. This is a major Dude Diet milestone, and more importantly, I am clearly a miracle-worker.

Unfortunately, I was only able to bask in the glory of this victory for about half a second. As I feared, hubris set in immediately after Logan stepped off the scale. He started ranting about how he “dominated this diet,” how “fuckin’ svelte” he is, and asking whether I could “see the outline of his six-pack.” (For the record, I could not.) At least I was spared Logan’s standard air-humping victory dance, which would have been incredibly disturbing considering the nude nature of the weigh-in.

As I watched Logan admire his “girlish figure” in the mirror, I could see the wheels of his nutritionally-challenged brain turning. Even though he said nothing, I knew he was contemplating all of the ridiculous things that he’s going to eat now that he has reached his goal weight. My suspicions were confirmed when he turned down the yogurt I innocently tried to hand him on the way out the door. “Don’t you want breakfast?” I asked. “No, thanks. I’m just going to grab something on the way to school. Love you!” Translation: “I’m going around the corner to get the biggest bacon egg and cheese you’ve ever seen in your life. I might even get two because I am the skinniest dude alive. PEACE OUT!”

Like many dudes, Logan does not understand that weight loss and general health require constant maintenance. This “confusion” became obvious earlier this week when he informed me of his batshit crazy eating plans for the weekend. They involve barbecue, Mexican food, pizza, and a lot of other fat-kid foods that I don’t even want to write down. Apparently, Logan is going to eat non-stop for the next three days because he’s been “starving for a month.” Adding insult to injury, I’m going out of town this weekend, so Logan will be doing all of this without supervision or accountability. I can’t help but picture him at Hill Country, drunk, elbows deep in mac and cheese, and covered in barbecue sauce, wearing a “My Girlfriend is Out of Town” tank top to stay cool when he gets the meat sweats. FML.

Dudes, I would like to remind you that The Dude Diet is a lifestyle, not a month-long emergency weight-loss program. You can “crush dank shit” as long as you do so in moderation. As I explained to Logan, having a bacon cheeseburger from time to time is fine, but reverting to a diet of barbecue and pizza after you meet your goal weight is not. As much as I hated to rain on Logan’s deep-fried parade this morning, I felt the need to warn him that if he goes through with his weekend plans, he will be back at a deuce by Monday. Needless to say, he was not pleased, and he argued that he “deserves to celebrate” his wonderland body. Of course he does, but this celebration should probably be in the form of one crazy meal, not a 72-hour freak-fest of food. Duh.

Maintenance is tough, and the truth is, sometimes a dude needs to indulge. I know that no matter what I do or say, Logan is going to get after it this weekend. So, I decided to be strategic and come up with something that looked and tasted “dirty,” but was healthy enough to keep him from going straight off the deep end. I’m banking on Dude Diet Chicken Enchiladas to do the trick:

As Logan would say, these enchiladas are “chronic.” I mean, look at them. Soft tortillas stuffed with hearty filling, drenched in spicy enchilada sauce, and topped with melted cheese…What’s not to love? The best part is that Dude Diet Chicken Enchiladas won’t pack on the lbs like your average greasy Mexican feast. (They also won’t result in the “stomach issues” dudes tend to have after a Mexican food extravaganza.)

I know many of you are probably scratching your heads and wondering how these indulgent enchiladas could possibly be Dude Diet approved, so I’ll break it down for you. First, let’s take a closer look at the filling:

Instead of fatty ground meat, these enchiladas are stuffed with a healthy mix of shredded chicken breast, black beans, corn, onions, bell peppers, and spinach.  Lean protein and vegetables are a beach body’s best friend, especially when they’re wrapped in my favorite low-carb vegetable tortillas. Unlike traditional enchilada sauces, this incredibly flavorful tomato-based version contains no oil and is virtually fat free. Obviously, enchiladas wouldn’t be the same without a layer of melted cheese, and you can enjoy this one guilt-free because each serving has less than a quarter cup of reduced-fat cheddar. Top them with a little heart-healthy avocado or a dollop of fat-free sour cream and scallions and celebrate without worrying about your waistline.

Despite the seemingly long list of ingredients, Dude Diet Chicken Enchiladas are actually a breeze to put together, and they’re great to prepare in advance. Just cover them tightly and put them in the fridge, then pop them in the oven for 25 minutes when you’re ready to eat. The recipe is easily doubled or tripled for a larger party, and the way that a tray of these enchiladas looks coming out of the oven is swoon-worthy to say the least. I’ve really outdone myself this time. Party on, dudes.