9 Winning Oscar Party Recipes for 2014

Let’s talk about the Oscars for a hot second.

Honestly, award season stresses me out. I always feel freakishly compelled to watch all of the movies nominated (not just the Best Picture contenders) lest someone wish to discuss any and all of them at a social event. And when Golden Globe, Critics’ Choice, and Oscar nominees don’t match up? FML, that’s extra movies to watch. Frankly, this is incredibly time consuming, and some of the movies have really upset me over the years. Remember Precious? Dear Lord, WHY?!

That said, I still love the Academy Awards. Sure, there have been some spectacularly awkward and/or chemically altered hosts recently, but I kind of enjoy the train wrecks. It keeps things interesting. Plus, you know I’m a sucker for celebrities in formal wear. I can hardly contain my excitement over next week’s windfall of best-dressed lists on the internets. My social media hour shall be even busier than usual!

I’m also a fan of Oscar night for the snacks, especially since it always falls on a No-Calorie Sunday. Because I liked themed affairs (and terrible puns), I have put together a list of Oscar party recipes based on this year’s Best Picture nominees. Whether you’re kicking it on the couch or hosting a fancy Oscar soirée this weekend, you’re going to need some sustenance, and I strongly recommend getting weird with one (or many) of the winning options below.

9 Best Picture-Themed Oscar Party Recipes:

1. The Wolf of Wall Street: Quaalude Quesadillas. Obviously, these decadent ‘dillas don’t actually contain any ludes, but they totally have a sedative effect if you eat enough of them. My roommate can vouch for this.

2. Gravity: Space Station Sangria. Floating in space is pretty much my worst nightmare, and watching Sandra Bullock suffer through it gave me a 91-minute panic attack. However, if you’d like to experience some zero-gravity effects (i.e. dizziness, disorientation, weightlessness, and mild nausea) in the safety of your own home, I suggest drinking a few pitchers of this champagne cocktail on Sunday.

3. Dallas Buyers Club: Tex-Mex Miracle Mac and Cheese. Because if there was ever a mac and cheese recipe that could save lives, this would be it.

4. American Hustle: Long Con Popcorn. Hustle your friends and admirers with this deceptively fancy snack. Tossed with chipotle chili powder and drizzled with dark chocolate, this sweet and spicy popcorn looks and tastes like a million bucks, but it’s actually laughably simple to make and 100% vegan. No “science oven” required.

5. 12 Years a Slave: Southern Skillet Cornbread. Thinking about puns surrounding this movie made me seriously uncomfortable. Cornbread is a southern food staple. Let’s leave it at that. 

6. Nebraska: Bender Baked Chicken Tenders. Woody drinks a lot. When I drink a lot, I like to eat chicken fingers.

7. Philomena: Emotionally Loaded Irish Nachos. This movie is about a journalist who picks up the story of an elderly woman’s search for her son. Apparently, the poor woman got preggers out of wedlock, was sent to live in an Irish convent, and then some mean nuns gave away her baby. (I’m shocked this was not more of a blockbuster!) There’s no better way to drown your sorrows over this tragedy than in a giant skillet of Irish ‘chos. They may not be remotely Irish in origin, but whatever. Puns are puns, and dank is dank.

8. Her: Imaginary Girlfriend Grilled Cheese. The only upside to dating an operating system is that you don’t have to share your sandwiches. Plus, I feel like eating an enormous barbecue chicken grilled cheese would make the whole “I’m in love with my OS” thing infinitely less sad for Joaquin. Maybe.

9. Captain Phillips: Black and White Brownie Bites. The brownie and cheesecake start out separate. Then they get mixed up together. You think that the brownie is going to overtake the cheesecake, but no! The cheesecake manages to come out on top. (Chocolate is the pirates and cheesecake is Captain Phillips in this story. Apologies for political incorrectness and spoilers.) T-Hanks for reading this post!